Have you ever experienced a situation when there was a total breakdown of communication?
Too many words were said, there was a misinterpretation of the words said, not enough words were said, and no one was authentically communicating and hearing the other’s contribution to the conversation.
Conversation domination.
Sometimes, one person wants to dominate the interaction and cannot hear what the other person is saying. Everyone feels hurt, unheard, and unimportant and the shutdown begins. Not all parties want to sit down and calmly talk about the situation. They don’t want to listen and hear what each other has to say or understand where they are coming from. Too often they are “hearing” with the anxious intent of responding rather than listening and understanding the speaker.
Is it safer to be the victim?
They are more interested in being a victim instead of seeking a resolution. Running, and hiding from the situation instead of actively confronting it. They are sometimes so angry and hurt that they are oblivious to the other person’s pain and hurt. The narrative plays, “I will never speak to that person again,” “I cannot believe they treated or spoke to me that way,” “what is wrong with them?” “I feel so hurt and wronged”. This can become a debilitating situation for everyone involved. It happens in families, with friends, with partners, and at work. People stop talking to each other for a time or even the rest of their lives. Meaningful relationships needlessly end.
Give me an opportunity to explain.
So many times, one person interprets what another person is trying to say and is completely misunderstood. The other person never receives an opportunity to calmly sit down and explain what they were trying to say. The misread comment is now written in the archives of the brain of the upset party, and they will not hear it any other way. The silent treatment begins, and the fight is on. This could be due to a re-opened wound that occurred in childhood or some other time in life. It triggers how that person felt in a particular conversation or event and now a wall of protection goes up, the storm shutters are pulled closed to stay safe.
Creating From the Past
As a child, our communication and comprehension skills are being formed. We create how we will respond to things. It has been discovered that most people (especially adults) are planning and creating their future out of past experiences. Instead of taking each new experience as it comes. They inadvertently attach past ways of feeling and reacting, to new experiences.
Are you giving each experience a fair chance?
Imagine that a label is attached to each event that has happened in your life, and it is imprinted on your brain. Now you are in a new situation that feels similar to a past experience, your brain recalls the same kind of feeling that was attached to that past event. You end up reacting the same way you did in the past. If you keep responding like this, you could be stunting your emotional growth. Eventually, you become closed off, angry, lonely, sad, and most likely unhealthy. It is through calm and authentic communication that unpleasant situations can be resolved and healed.
The deadly silent treatment
Silent treatment is one of the most abusive behaviors people can exhibit toward each other. It tells the other person that they do not exist and that they do not matter and that their mere existence is repulsive. The silent treatment is also an immature form of trying to get a point across. It says I will talk to you when I am ready, and my breath is too valuable to waste on you. I will deal with you on my terms only and only when I am ready and only in my way. You are not as important as I am.
The power of actions and words or no words
Words and actions are powerful, and they hold a lot of impact. They can penetrate every cell of our body and reverberate what was said either positively or negatively. Open and authentic communication is extremely important for our healthy existence.
I can ignore you forever
It can become a situation of who is going to break first, does it really matter? Do you always have to be right? Or can you become open to communicating with open ears and really hear what is being said.
You can start now
Would unity and love feel better than being at odds and never having an opportunity to resolve and restore the relationship? Not resolving an issue might be a harder situation to live with, you don’t always get a second chance for a second chance.
10 Ways to Break the Ice and Rekindle a Relationship
- Send a Thoughtful Message
Reach out with a heartfelt text, email, or letter expressing your desire to reconnect. Keep it simple and genuine, acknowledging the situation without assigning blame. - Apologize Sincerely
If you were at fault, offer a sincere apology. Be specific about what you’re sorry for and show understanding of how your actions may have affected the other person. - Express Gratitude
Share something you value about the person or your relationship. Acknowledging their importance can help ease tension and open the door to conversation. - Give a Peace Offering
Bring a small, thoughtful gift, such as their favorite food or dessert, flowers, or a meaningful token, as a gesture of goodwill and reconciliation. - Suggest a Neutral Meeting Place
Give them the opportunity to choose a place somewhere they feel comfortable and neutral, like a coffee shop or park, to create a safe environment for a calm discussion. - Acknowledge the Elephant in the Room
Start the conversation by acknowledging the issue directly and expressing your willingness to resolve it. This shows you’re ready to take responsibility and work toward healing. - Use Humor
Share a funny memory or joke (appropriately, considering the context) to lighten the mood and remind them of the positive moments you’ve shared. - Ask for Their Perspective
Show genuine interest and validate their feelings and thoughts by asking how they feel about the situation. Listening without interruption demonstrates respect and care. Repeat back to them what you heard them say. - Share a Positive Memory
Remind them of a good time you shared, either in conversation or through an old photo or memento. A trip back in time can reignite positive feelings and connection. - Be Patient and Consistent
If they aren’t ready to talk, give them time and space. Check in periodically with simple, kind messages to show you’re still open to reconnecting when they are ready.
